I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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