billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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