College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
