cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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