This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
