I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
