I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
