My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
