you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
