You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
