Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
