My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
