I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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