I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
