So many bounce houses so little time
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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