If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
