You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
