After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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