She's JV to your varsity
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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