my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
