there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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