just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
