ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
