I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
