I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just googled if crying burns calories
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Drake has all the answers
The adults are the big ones right?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
