You're completely useless in the revolution.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
