The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
