Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
