You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
