I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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