I looked at my own cervix.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
