Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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