I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
People in love make me want to vomit
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
