My entire life is one complicated drinking game
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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