JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
