The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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