And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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