i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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