I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
