The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
