so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
