you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Randomize
