Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
