I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
what the fuck happened to the tacos
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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