ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
