What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
