i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
