I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
