I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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