He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
