OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Randomize
