now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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