My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
